I’m looking for words to describe this annoying feeling, this strange sense of underachievement, of not getting what I have planned, of not doing I was expecting myself being able to.
It sits right under my skin, scratching, boiling, it can bubble out any moment. Was my expectation too high? What did I do wrong? Was that the fueling mistake? Was that the heat? I could probably find literally 1000s excuses of my walk of shame at the run leg.
But you know what, screw that!
Let’s focus on the positives.
Our team, Joanna, Barbara and Dave, they all finished and watching them crossing that finish line was simply awesome. For the last year, we train together, race together and plan together. I felt responsible for them, worried for them and was rooting for them. It was a great privilege to be a part of their journey. I’ve learnt a lot, as a coach and as their friend. That’s my little win.
From my performance perspective, well, it wasn’t that bad actually. My swim and my bike were the fastest ever. They felt good. I have improved here.
And then there was a run. My biggest battle at this stage was just staying on the course. When I realised I will not be able to get my sub 10, in my head, the race was over.
I had to force myself to keep moving forward. And I carry on. I don’t particularly appreciate quitting. Also, I couldn’t do this to our team. I didn’t want to give them any excuse for not finishing. It wasn’t about me anymore. Strangely, I have enjoyed this walk. I chatted with many people, helped some, hi-fiving with all the kids. It was definitely a positive experience.
Right, I’m done here. I’m in Italy for another couple of days, let’s enjoy!
Where is my wine?
Ironman Italy 2018:
442 Stelmachowski, Leszek Edinburgh Triathletes POL
Swim 1:08:37 (985.)
Bike 5:16:46 (431.)
Run 5:03:16 (1.192.)